Not The Doctor
by find-nowhere
Summary: Why is there a police phone box outside of Manhattan's SVU precinct?
1. The Blue Box

_**Disclaimer: **__This is fanfiction._

_**Warning: **__Rated for language. I don't think I'll do anything too horrible in this, but if I do, I'll up the rating. I'll maybe mention some rape and murder, but it's SVU, so what do you expect?_

_**A/N: **__Eleventh Doctor (so I can have River present without taking too many liberties, although I hate Matt Smith); SVU Season 12, Casey is around, I suppose. If you didn't know, Alex Kingston plays River and also Defense Attorney Pond on SVU – get ready to have your minds blown, kids._

Not The Doctor

1. The Blue Box

It had been a quiet day for the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. The two senior detectives, Elliot Stabler and his partner Olivia Benson, sat at their desks completing paperwork. They both looked forward to getting out of the precinct early. Elliot texted his wife Kathy with the hopeful news and they planned to take their youngest son Eli to the park to enjoy the mild summer day. Olivia just wanted to curl up on her couch in her sweats and watch bad television.

Detectives John Munch and Fin Tutuola were getting little done and instead throwing tiny balls of paper at one another, each time the other seemed to focus for more than a few seconds.

Munch said to no one in particular, "It's too quiet."

"Yeah, I know," Fin agreed, rocking backwards in his chair and throwing his legs up onto his desk, getting clumps of dirt all over a stack of papers.

"Shut up, Munch. You're going to jinx it," Elliot said from his seat, not looking up from his writing. He had one more report to go and several hours of daylight left.

The doors of headquarters swung open and ADA Casey Novak strutted in, her heels clacking all the way across the floor to Olivia's desk. She didn't look at or speak to anyone until reaching the detective's desk.

Olivia looked up, "Casey, are you ok? Don't throw up on my reports or I'll have to start over." She grabbed the stack of paperwork and shifted it away from the attorney. "What's up?"

Casey was pale and her eyes looked a bit glazed over, "I need you to come look at something outside."

"You look like you've seen a ghost…" Olivia became concerned then and it was apparent in her voice.

"Ghost?" Munch perked up again and attempted some eave's dropping.

Casey lowered her voice, "You need to see this and I need to make sure it's actually there."

Olivia got up quietly. She attempted to do so subtly. It was clear that Casey didn't want attention drawn to her, and Olivia was one to honor such a request – even if it wasn't explicitly spoken.

Elliot stopped writing and watched the two women head for the door. He looked toward Fin and Munch, who had also frozen in place to watch quietly. Munch's curiosity got the best of him and he stood up to follow.

Shaking his head, Elliot said, "I knew it was only a matter of time before Novak cracked."

"I told you it was too quiet," Munch said and pointed toward the door. There was something big and blue outside.

"Aw, what the hell?" Fin groaned, "You went and jinxed us for real."

Captain Don Cragen burst from his office. He had a knack for sensing when something was happening. Perhaps it was his glossy bald head or perhaps his suspenders. He shouted across the large room over the noise of phones and papers rustling, "What's going on?"

"Dunno, Captain…" Elliot got up then too and went to investigate.

Fin sighed and followed suit.

Sitting on the sidewalk just outside of the door was a blue police phone box – a thing from the 1950s and from London, not so much New York City. It was in the way and sitting directly in the path toward the door, but people walked around it as if it weren't there and no one seemed to notice. At the very least, no one cared.

Casey cared and was highly distressed by the box. She felt a little better since Olivia could see it and then since the other detectives could too. Elliot marched forward and yanked on the door as hard as he could, but it didn't budge. It was locked somehow.

Cragen joined the small group outside, "Who the hell put a big blue box in front of my building?"


	2. Meanwhile, In The Blue Box

_**A/N: **__Sorry for the huge delay! I just have no idea where I planned to go with this. At all. It was an impulsive story that came as a result of an odd conversation I had. And to answer Miguel51's question: I think Matt Smith looks like a foot with bad hair covering the toes. He's just not sexy! I also got overly attached to David Tennant. I've been bitter about his regeneration since it happened. I might eventually get over it. Maybe! :D_

2. Meanwhile, In The Blue Box

"I think people can see us. I'm pretty sure that the TARDIS is _not_ invisible right now." River Song stood behind the Doctor with her hands on her hips. "Also, I feel this is not where we were supposed to end up."

The Doctor stood up straight and looked around, "What? Why do you say that? Where are we?"

"I think we're in Manhattan."

He stuck out his bottom lip and looked at the screen displaying the outside world beyond the ship that was bigger on the inside than the outside. "I meant for us to be in Manhattan."

"In 2011?" She asked him.

Scratching the back of his head, he said, "No. Not exactly. Close, but…well…no. Actually, not at all. I was aiming for New New York."

The woman with her mess of curly hair walked in a circle around the center controls of the alien craft, "Don't you think we should get going then?"

"That's the problem, you see…" He leaned forward again, rubbed his chin and pulled a lever. "There seems to be something wrong with the TARDIS."

"Look at that, Doctor…" Her voice trailed off and she pointed to the screen. "Some people can see us and some can't."

He waved a hand at her, shooing her away, "No, no…it's not that some can see us and some not. It's that some people just don't care."

"That doesn't make sense."

"It makes perfect sense. The TARDIS blends in with its surroundings."

"Doctor," she said firmly, "We're in an old London police box in the middle of the sidewalk in Manhattan, New York. We do not blend in right now."

He shook his head, "No, Dr. Song. That's the thing. I don't think the other people are seeing the police box. I think they're seeing something else."

"Which is why they don't care…" Her voice trailed off. "You mean the TARDIS is actually working correctly? Did you fix something?"

"Well…" The man wiggled around, looking uncomfortable, "I don't know…because that little group of people right there," he pointed, "They seem to notice that something is very wrong right now."

"I think we're blocking their doorway…"

The Doctor looked and adjusted his bow-tie, "It seems we are, and I think they're cops. That fellow has a gun and a badge."

"Is he going to shoot at the TARDIS? Look at the bald one…" She pointed and then they heard a knock on the doors, "He's knocking."

Making some contemplative noises, the Doctor then pulled on a few more levers and pressed another button and began circling the center console. He observed the flashing lights while River watched the small group outside. They took turns pulling on the doors and the tall man with glasses began circling – mirroring the Doctor's movement inside.

The bald man went back inside and brought out a few uniformed officers. He pointed at the TARDIS and the two men he brought out shrugged. He looked confused, and then the younger male detective began yelling at them and pointing at the TARDIS with large exaggerated hand movements. River laughed slightly.

Ending his circling, the Doctor said, "I think the TARDIS has brought us here for a reason! There must be some event happening that requires my expert assistance."

"So we're staying?"

"Yes, we are. Now let's go meet our new friends." He sauntered to the doors and swung them open wide.

The people outside all froze and looked. River followed the Doctor out into the sun and onto the sidewalk. She kept her hand on her gun, since the detectives seemed to be doing the same.

"Hello!" He exclaimed jovially and extended his hand to the bald man he assumed to be the leader, "I'm the-"

"Miss Pond!" The red-haired woman and the brunette shouted, staring at River and interrupting him.

River turned and looked behind her. Amy wasn't with them. Amy and Rory were in New New York – their original intended destination. She looked back at them, "Excuse me?"

The Doctor also turned and looked, "That's not Miss Pond. That is Dr. Song, you silly women."


	3. Munch and the TARDIS

3. Munch and the TARDIS

The Doctor put his hands on his hips and smiled widely, "Pretty neat isn't she? Sexy, even. She is sexy."

"It's bigger on the inside…" Munch looked over the top of his transitions lenses and stood just inside the door.

"Brilliant deduction!"

"Is this…a space ship?" The older looking gentleman asked. "Or is this...some sort of..."

"Why, yes! Yes, she is! A space ship, I suppose! You're quite clever. Not nearly as clever as me, but quite clever."

"Munch! What the hell are you doin'?" Fin approached the entrance with his gun drawn, prepared to shoot the weird British man if he tried anything on his partner, did anything remotely threatening. Fin had shot people before and he had no qualms about it. As he looked inside, his voice trailed off, "What the…"

"It's bigger on the inside!" The Doctor exclaimed.

Detective Munch walked farther into the TARDIS, apprehensively. He studied every rail, each part of the wall, and all of the strange foreign pieces of machinery. His mind raced and his jaw dropped. This had to be a dream. The entire thing was just too ridiculous to be real.

"Come inside! Just don't touch anything!" The Doctor attempted to coax the stunned Tutuola into the craft, but he remained just at the threshold.

Munch ascended the ramp toward the console and then turned on his heel, "You're an alien?"

"A Time Lord."

"A…Time…Lord…" Munch spoke every word slowly, teetering on being skeptical. He wanted to be skeptical, but he had stepped into a police box and found himself inside this thing. He saw other hallways extending from the room he stood near the center of. How big was this thing? It defied physics and basic sense.

"Are you not going to ask what TARDIS means?" The Doctor gave up on Fin and scampered back to Munch. He circled him a few times, looking jolly and immensely amused.

"What is this TARDIS?" He looked up at the ceiling and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Time and Relative Dimension in Space!"

"It's a time machine and you're a Time Lord…" Munch ruminated.

"Yes!" The Doctor was so entertained that this man was making the appropriate connections that he didn't even notice that Fin had actually come into the TARDIS. He kept his back to the wall and moved slowly around the perimeter, clutching his service pistol. The Doctor adjusted his bowtie proudly, "I have adventures in time and space with a nice couple, Amy and Rory. Sometimes being joined by my fellow time traveler Dr. Song."

"Dr. Song…Ms. Pond…"

"No, no, no. Ms. Pond is Amy and Amy is in New New York right now, which is where we were going, but we've ended up here...oddly. I don't know why you people seem to be getting the two mixed up. They don't look anything alike."

"Who _are_ you?" Munch looked at the man. He looked human. He looked like everyone else. A bit awkward. He wore a bowtie. But he looked like everyone else.

"I'm the Doctor."

"Time Lord…Doctor…"

"Precisely!" He extended an arm triumphantly in the air. "You really are quite clever. I think I like you."

Fin aimed his gun at the unfamiliar man, "Put your hands over your head, you crazy son of a bitch!"

Before the Doctor could even respond, River was back in the TARDIS as well and wielding her own gun, pointing it directly at Fin. "Detectives, just get out of here and we'll be on our way! No one gets hurt!"

In the next moment, Stabler stood in the doorway with his gun pointing at the woman who looked exactly like Attorney Pond. "Lady, put your gun down!"

"You shut up," she said to him and didn't turn. She kept her eyes on Fin. "This is a blaster gun and I can shoot you both before you even realize it."

"Blaster gun…" Munch muttered. It certainly didn't look like his gun, or any gun he had ever seen.

"No one shoot anyone! All of you are so trigger happy!" The Doctor put his arms above his head and looked from person to person.

"Just come into the station quietly and we won't have any problems. We can work this out." Olivia came up behind Elliot. She held her hands out, showing that she didn't have a weapon. She thought this may diffuse the situation. She spoke calmly, softly. She put her hand on Elliot's forearm, "Everyone just stand down."


	4. Out of the Box into the Station

_**A/N: **__This is completely different from everything else I'm working on right now and it's sort of exciting! Also, hard for me to focus when I'm working on "serious" things. Lol…serious fanfiction - oxymoron! Also, last week's episode of _Who_ totally made my brain hurt, and for this story, we're going to pretend none of that happened (I also don't want any SPOILERS in this). Thanks for the reviews!_

4. Out of the Box into the Station

Elliot lowered his gun slowly and said, "It's bigger on the inside…"

At this point, no one inside the inexplicable craft cared enough to comment on his slow observation.

"Alright. Alright." Olivia took a deep breath. She felt dizzy. This whole thing was overwhelming, but if she passed out she knew Elliot would certainly shoot the odd British people in this weird police box. "Fin, lower your gun."

Fin refused and then aimed at River, "I'm not gonna do it until that lady puts hers down."

"Well, I'm not putting mine down at all because you barged onto my TARDIS and tried to shoot the Doctor," River told him firmly.

"_Your_ TARDIS?" The Doctor's eyes narrowed at her.

"I actually know how to drive her." Her eyes darting back and forth making sure no more detectives came on board with their guns pointed at her. "And I hate you right now."

"You do not."

"Ms. Song…" Olivia started to cautiously approach her and Elliot watched protectively, "Hand me your gun."

"It's Dr. Song, and I will not give you my gun," she said adamantly. "I have a feeling I won't get it back and I'm rather attached to it."

"Just leave it in the TARDIS," the Doctor said, swallowing visibly as he watched the standoff between Fin and River. "Can she do that? Can she just leave it in here and then we can go inside and no one will get shot?"

"Yes, yes. She can do that, I guess. Do you have any weapons?" Detective Benson said to him. "We're going to need to pat you both down."

"What? I don't have a weapon. I only have a screwdriver."

"A screwdriver can be considered a weapon," she told him, "You're going to have to put it on the ground."

"What? It's not a weapon! That's absurd!"

"It won't hurt you unless you're made of metal," River rolled her eyes.

The Doctor reached into his jacket and pulled out the sonic screwdriver very slowly, keeping his other hand where everyone could see it. He held up the device and then he sat it down gently on the console of the TARDIS.

"That's not a screwdriver," Elliot pointed out.

"It's a sonic screwdriver," he corrected.

"Sonic…" Munch mumbled and looked over at the device. He reached out to touch it like a kid in a candy store.

"Don't touch that," the Doctor said to him without even turning.

River growled and put her gun on the floor of the TARDIS and then she kicked it away from her and also away from all of the detectives. She didn't want any of them grabbing it and then keeping it because she didn't have a permit or some other twenty-first century United States nonsense. Fin, seeing her do this, put his gun back in its holster.

"Let's go, Mr. Munch. I apparently have to go inside," the Doctor said, becoming jovial again, but still keeping his hands above his head.

"I'm sorry about this," Munch said to him.

"Oh, it's alright. This happens sometimes."

Elliot and Olivia lead River off of the TARDIS and were followed by Fin, who kept looking over his shoulder at the Doctor and Munch. Once beyond the doors, the Doctor snapped his fingers and the TARDIS closed. River let out a sigh of relief, still concerned for the well being of her gun. Cragen had taken a seat on the precinct steps and Casey was frantically making calls attempting to locate Attorney Pond because she thought she was losing her mind.

Elliot whirled around and forced the woman up against the side of the blue box, face first.

She didn't resist and instead just said, "This is really unnecessary."

When Elliot started to pat her down, the Doctor put his back to Fin and said, "Do you need to do the same thing to me?"

"Both of you relax, we're members of New York's finest," Olivia said. She was trying so hard to be the voice of reason in the outlandish situation. She didn't know how exactly she'd ended up taking command.

Munch watched as people on the sidewalk paid no mind to the events taking place. They just walked around the TARDIS and didn't even give a second glace to the two people being patted down up against the out of place object. The gears in his head were still turning. Something odd was happening, but he didn't want to argue with the lead detective just yet about conspiracy theories.

"New York's finest what?" The Doctor asked and then giggled as Fin touched his legs.

"What do you mean Attorney Pond is in her office?" Casey shouted into her phone, "She is standing right in front of me!"

"For the love of all things good, I am not Attorney Pond!" River shouted back at her over her shoulder. "I am not an attorney at all! I'm an archeologist!"

"Alright, she's clean," Elliot said, clearing his throat, feeling slightly foolish for manhandling the woman.

"This guy is all clear too," Fin said and grabbed the Doctor forcefully by his elbow, guiding him inside.

Cragen got up, shaking his head, following the group into the building, "After this, I'm retiring."


End file.
